How to Live a Chivalrous Life .

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How to Live a Chivalrous Life

It's one thing to believe in the ideals and values of chivalry. It's another thing to live them.
The following represents a reference guide on how to bring new chivalry into your life. While it is far from complete, it can serve as an overview of possibilities.

Abuse, Spousal

There can be no excuse for hurting one's spouse, or controlling her in a threatening manner. The role of men is to work in partnership with women, and they should accomplish that in a civil and loving manner.
     Some men feel "manly" pushing women around, or exerting control of them. This displays a completely distorted interpretation of what it means to be a man.
     Much of the anger men feel stems from not being recognized or appreciated as men by our own society. We long for our special definition, and the culture refuses to give it. The definition has either been forgotten or thought irrelevant, and we feel the same response at a personal level.
     And so we struggle to find it, through ambition, aggression, controlling others, hoarding wealth. In the end, none of these superficial goals satisfies anyone, and only adds more grief to the world.
     If you feel angry or about to lose self-control, seek immediate help! Go for counseling before it is too late.

Adventure

Fortunate is the man who views his life as an adventure, living fully in the moment and learning what lessons can be gleaned. Here we find the authenticity of life that otherwise escapes us. In many ways, it is the dynamic we most experience when we embrace and fully cooperate with our own personal quest.
Joseph Campbell once said that what drives the soul is not the wish to be happy, but to grasp the experience of life to the fullest. We want to feel alive. Indulging ourselves in the moment, instead of running on automatic pilot, is what authenticity is all about.
Keep in mind, though, this is different from becoming an adrenaline junky. A fellow who risks his life for the rush of adrenaline he feels, is as distracted from the depth of life as anyone else. Perhaps moreso, as any addiction illustrates.

Anger

A lot of men suffer from constant anger, and are unaware of its source. They may look into events from the past, undergo psychotherapy and find relief by doing so.
But the basic source of male existential anger is not usually recognized by therapists. It comes from the failure of our culture to recognize what it means to be a man, and provide a viable path to achieve it. Men need to hold a definable, valuable position in society, something that satisfies the urgings of their souls. Without that, there is only frustration at the very bottom of every experience.
This undercurrent is especially true in the culture of the United States, despite all the benefits of our free society and the marvelous advancements of technology. We hear people advocating social injustice and war and religious one-upmanship with the kind of hostility we would expect from people who are threatened with the prospect of extinction. It has divided the nation along party grounds, feeding on unimportant differences. Political opponents define themselves not by their virtues or personal qualities or even their vision of the future, but by their opposition. Common ground is barely recognized anymore, and this is more of a threat to our democracy than anything else.

Anxiety

When a man is insecure with himself, anxiety quickly and surely tells him that. It is reflected in everything he does. From neuroses, to aggressions, to blocking out the world with tunnel vision or drugs or alcohol abuse.
     Where does this anxiety come from? Why should men suffer from it in what we euphemistically refer to as a "man's world?"
     Because we know that this "Man's world" is just an illusion, a workplace, something that has to be held wrestled with even though the value of this illusion is empty. What more do we have?
     Once again, it all points to the primary dissatisfaction men feel in a world that does not adequately meet our gender-specific, spiritual needs. Our subconscious minds continue to look for purpose and meaning in a society that fails to provide them. The need gets greater as we get older, forcing us to either look harder or withdraw altogether.

Argument

To argue just for the sake of argument becomes a way of life for some men, an assertion of power and value. It becomes a validation of status that keeps people at arm's length, thus satisfying its own insecurity.
The illusion of "being an expert on every topic" is self-defeating in the end. People may play along, but in the end they all recognize men like this as being obnoxious, someone to avoid. No one knows everything, but some people pretend they do, as if anything less would be a threat to their identity.

Atheism

Does Chivalry-Now have a place for those who don't believe in God, or consider themselves agnostic?
As a comprehensive male ethic, of course it does. In fact, Chivalry-Now validates moral principles without reference to a deity, and this should make sense even to the thoughtful believer as well. Virtues, in order to be virtues, need to possess their own intrinsic value.
Medieval chivalry was very much tied to the religious climate of its day. In a world of ever-increasing diversity, it is important that Chivalry-Now be available to all men. Those who are not religious will hopefully be as comfortable as those who are. The Companionship welcomes all men and women of good-will.

Authority

One thing that inhibits people from searching for truth themselves is the tendency to look to someone or something else for all the answers. We look up to certain authorities as if they knew everything.
     To find personal liberation, one has to start by recognizing authority for what it is. Limited. Fallible. No excuse for failing to think for ourselves.
     It is proper to listen to people of "authority," experts in their fields, and learn what you will. While doing so, however, it is essential to keep an open mind to other possibilities, for depths of meaning that might be overlooked.
     Accept someone as having authority over you, and you sell your soul to their own mistakes and imperfections.
     We therefore urge that you remove authority figures from the pedestals you erected for them. Yes, you are subject to your supervisor on the job, and to the requirements of just laws and those who administer them. But as for the integrity of your mind and thoughts, bow to no one.

Avarice

Greed, or avarice, is no longer considered a vice in our world of rampant capitalism. In fact, the general consensus is that greed is a good thing. Our economy is the better for it. One can never have enough. Conspicuous consumption has become a badge of honor, even in a world where poverty still exists and natural resources cry out for conservation.

Beauty

If a man fails to recognize and appreciate beauty, he misses out on one of the purest experiences of life. What's more, he fails to incorporate that beauty into his soul through the experience of appreciation.
Real beauty captures our attention with simplicity that is sublime. The proverbial blade of grass, viewed with awe, reflects tangible order and grace that is somehow self-engineered. A dramatic autumn sestet fills the sky with silent artistry that connects with our hearts. A child's innocence reminds us purity comes not from sophistication, but from a person's soul freed from the burdens of illusion.

Behavior

We are all responsible for our behavior-every minute of the day. In certain respects, what we do defines us more than what we think or believe in. Why? Because what we think and believe, if genuine, reflects itself in our deeds.
Nothing is more natural than believing in one's own perspective and motivations, justifying everything we do. But in light of universal values and ideals, is that realistic?
Chivalry, while intensely personal, is a code we carry into public sphere as well. If we don't, how can we claim it as our own at all?

Bigotry

Bigotry represents the annihilation of chivalric ideals on many levels, and should be recognized as such. It reflects a closed mind. It throws truth out the window. It rejects courtesy and justice, and denies the foundation of personal honor. It sows discord and division in a world crying out for brotherhood and unity. It thrives on gossip and tasteless humor, and pushes mercy out the door.
You cannot be a bigot and still respect principles of individuality. Why? Because grouping an entire race, ethnic group or gender into a category of stereotypes denies each of those people their individuality.
We all know that the people in our own racial, ethnic or gender group are not all the same. Why assume it is different for others.

Boasting

A lot of men turn to boasting to assert their value. With every word they speak, they think they are increasing their status among those who listen, instead of boring them with obvious insecurity.
The man of chivalry speaks when appropriate, while trying not to undue draw attention to himself. Because his actions speak louder than words, he earns true respect.
Confronting the world with an attitude of glorifying yourself inhibits the experience of actual truth. Everything becomes a reference point of self aggrandizement, when it holds, rather, its own unique virtue and message.

Brotherhood

Is there and actual brotherhood of men?
     There should be. If we all tapped into our essential nature, we would find a spiritual continuity that unites us all as brothers, as men.
We are connected to men of the past and future as well, and inherit a responsibility to both.
     Destroying the environment denies this responsibility, and separates us from the whole.
     Thinking only of our own advancement does the same.
     Doing others harm makes this separation fact.

Business

Capitalism, as an economic philosophy based on free trade, has nothing inherently wrong with it. It has proven its efficacy in the world, raising large populations into the status of middle class.
     That being said, unscrupulous people have elevated what is essentially an economic philosophy to the heights of shaping social morality. In other words, instead of people bringing and following their own moral values into marketplace, they are letting the market decide their values for them-values based not on human dignity, or right and wrong, but on profit alone. In other words, greed.
     This is understandable. The marketplace merely filled the gap created by the loss of our moral foundation. Greed can be a powerful motivator. Untold billions of dollars are spent on advertisements in the United States alone to shape our values and the way wet think for someone else's profit. While there is nothing wrong with truthful advertising, at some point the entire process becomes obscene and overwhelming, and a threat to free thought. Using television especially as a constant source of carefully manipulated communication, can amount to a sort of brainwashing.
     Despite arguments to the contrary, capitalism is not an appropriate philosophy to decide questions of basic morality. It takes no great revelation to realize that the profit motive has its limits in human interactions. When people are perceived as nothing more than consumers, sources of potential revenue, much of their complex humanity is ignored. We see symptoms of that already just about everywhere we look.
     The desire for wealth easily becomes excessive.
     Does this make Capitalism somehow worse than Socialism or Communism? Not in the least. Each system is a good as the people who live it. Each has positive and negative potential. It is up to those of us who live in Capitalistic economies to make Capitalism work for us, not the other way around.
     In practice, Capitalism has proven itself the most successful, innovative and humane of the three. There are many reasons for that. But success should not blind us to how our own morality is being shaped by money and acquisition.
     Profit should never be the highest priority of any person or institution. Living rightly and compassionately should always come first. Only then will proper decisions be made that show the real genius of Capitalism.
     In the business world, the man of chivalry will always be honest, dependable and hard-working, no matter what at level he is employed. He will not cheat his employer or be the source of discord. He will earn his promotions rather than make someone else look bad. He will always be a source of strength, ingenuity and confidence. He will bring reasonableness both to unions and management.

Career

The man of chivalry must consider what he does for a career as a reflection of his true beliefs.
     There are many social vices being sustained by "legitimate business people" who excuse themselves by saying that if they did not profit from these vices, someone else would. Or the flimsiest excuse of the pornographer, "I'm just giving them what they want."
We often fail to morally challenge these excuses, and there lies our complicity with a failing system.
     The man of chivalry should choose a career with is not tainted with guilt. Preferably, he should choose a career in which he can be proud.
The hard working factory worker who loves his family and is true in friendship, is a far better example of chivalry than the celebrity who poses before the camera consumed with thoughts only about himself.
Typically, our Companionship has students, ministers, martial artists, EMTs, police officers, social workers, teachers, therapists, and those employed in private industry. You cannot be true to our cause if you engage in illegal or immoral work, or contribute or the support of vice.
What remains important in your career is what you bring of your true self to your career. Your vision and values. How you treat people. Chivalry-Now should not be confined to private time or recreational moments.
     Chances are, your career will benefit from your ideals by making you a superb worker and reliable in everything you do.

Children

Children represent the future, and for some time now, they have been denied the cultural direction that they deserve. Boys especially. We have to change that, in order to change the culture.
     We must work to make the cultural transmission of our ideals viable again, as parents, citizens and as a community.
     One of the premises of Chivalry-Now is that the ideals of chivalry are inherent in all boys. You can see this by watching them at play. Each boy starts out wanting to be a hero. And what does it mean to be a hero, but to fight for truth and justice and for those who need help.
Society changes all that by encouraging a sense of competition that is disconnected from right and wrong, by insisting that we need to think of number one first, and that true success is measured not by one's character, but by one's appearance and possessions.
     Our challenge is to change all that, to save our children, and by doing so save all future generations.

Chivalry

During medieval times, there arose a code of honorable behavior known as chivalry that changed the dynamics of how people treated one another. According to this code, knights, the elite warriors of the time, were honor bound to uphold justice, defend those in need, be merciful to fallen enemies, be courteous to all and assist women.
     These ideals were a drastic improvement over the barbarity of the early middle ages, although an unwritten warrior code existed even before then, and can be seen in many disparate cultures. As warriors, men, were always expected to protect their families, clan and nations, which demanded a powerful propensity for self-sacrifice. This is where chivalry has its spiritual and biological (instinctive) roots.
     With Chivalry-Now this code has been updated to be socially appropriate for the 21st century. It includes Age of Enlightenment of ideals, such as freedom, equality and democracy-as we would have expected if its evolution had not been interrupted.
     Chivalry-Now plays a vital role in readjusting our present day culture by reintroducing men to the ethical dynamics which instinctively guide them. A powerful purpose of most cultures is to validate gender identities. When that validation does not occur, problems arise that filter out through the entire society. That's true of all cultures, no matter how advanced.
     Chivalry-Now seeks to reconnect in men the vital relationship between heart and mind. It seeks to rekindle the passion for life for the good of all.

Citizenship

It only stands to reason that the man of chivalry is an upstanding, well-informed citizen. We are expected to do our civic duty, whether that means voting, running for office, serving as a volunteer or engaging in public dissent. Before voting, we need to take the time to know where the candidates stand on the issues, and not waste our vote on superficial reasons.

Civility / Courtesy / Politeness

Our manners reflect our commitment to chivalry to everyone we meet, and contribute to their impressions of Chivalry-Now.
     It is therefore important to represent our ideals well in everything we do and say. A friendly smile, shaking hands with feeling, comfortable eye contact, rising when someone enters the room, opening doors for other people, are all recognized as polite conventions. But so it listening well, not interrupting when people speak, not bragging, speaking in a reasonable tone of voice, respecting the wishes of others, not being rude.
     In other words, behaving like a gentleman.
     The idea is to make people feel comfortable and respected, not to show off your manners. Keep it appropriate to the circumstances and whom you are with. Use common sense. Some occasions are less formal than others. Among close friends, feel free to relax and joke-around. Staying aware of the moment, you will know when your actions infringe upon another person
     Special respect is accorded to women as a recognition of the value of their gender to us all. All women. That initial respect will then become contingent on the individual qualities of the woman herself. In this way, we appreciatively respect women for the value of their gender, while properly measuring that respect according to her individuality. No matter what her station or personal qualities, however, is it not acceptable for a Knight to be rude or uncivil, and all the Companions should follow this rule accordingly.
     Be aware, it is possible for politeness can be overdone, or performed for the wrong reasons. If you find that expressions of politeness makes someone uncomfortable, then you should immediately tone it down.

Communication — The art of Speaking and Listening

Men no longer have a common, viable idea of how men are supposed to verbally communicate. They consider the art of talking something in the realm of women, who communicate quite naturally. Many men seem to suffer from communication dysfunction. But why? Was it always so?
     Some men feel so uncomfortable communicating ideas that they avoid speaking, and then get frustrated from not being understood.
Some overly compensate by acting aggressive. They get loud and overbearing and act like a know-it-all. While this may communicate some ideas, it also effectively ends the conversation. They convey the message that they are not interested in hearing other ideas. Perhaps they think it a sign of weakness not to know everything there is to know, and therefore block listening to someone else's ideas. If that is so, their efforts are futile. Not listening is the sign of a closed mind, which projects a sigh of ignorance. The most that these men do is prove themselves limited and unsocial. In other words they hurt their own self-image, and lose out by preventing the development of good friendships and healthy relationships.
     It may seem wise to emulate the conversational techniques of women, but that would be a mistake. We need something that fits who we are as men, not try to shape ourselves into something we are not.
First of all, we need to know that sharing thoughts and knowledge is a good thing and not a waste of time. That means listening as well as speaking. It means speaking in such a manner as to encourage a mutual exchange of thoughts.
     Men differ from women in how we communicate, and that's okay. We prefer expressing the facts upfront, objectively, and without going into a lot of unnecessary detail. While this might seem less social than the connections women make in their conversing, it is comfortably social for the needs of most men.

Companionship

The Companionship is a term that loosely describes the brotherhood of Chivalry-Now. Informally, it includes everyone who is seriously interested in participating in our cause. Formally, it includes those people who have proven their sincerity and are invited into the Circle of Companionship, which includes access to the Secret Teachings and hidden forums.
     The purpose of the Companionship is to share ideas and create bonds between the members, in order to promote and fortify chivalric ideals.
     One has to be a Companion in good standing for an unspecified period of time before being considered for Knighthood.
     Women are welcomed to participate in the Companionship as friends and advisors. They are referred to as Ladies of the Fellowship. Those who are invited to participate in the Council of Knights are called Ladies of the Council.

Complaining

Nothing is more unseemly than a man who complains all the time-and yet many men do exactly that. They think it projects strength. From a chivalric point of view, constant complaining denotes weakness, a loss of self-control and unmanliness.
     Some complain in order to elicit compassion from others. They think they will make friends if people feel sorry for them.
Others feel powerful, like a lion roaring at the world, frightening others with their warning.
     The truth is, chronic complaining is a sure sign of immaturity. Complainers may exact pity at times, but only for a while. They do not gain true respect in this manner.
     A real man will certainly complain when it is appropriate, but he does not use it as a tool for attention, control or ego. He approaches issues politely and with self-control, which are the real signs of manly strength.

Confidence

Manliness exudes a certain confidence in life, the ability to go forth and face the mundane experiences of the world without debilitating fear. This is why self-development is so important not only in our early years, but throughout our lives.
True confidence comes from knowing our capabilities and limits.
It encourages action and change, and standing up for what is right.
It is the life's blood of heroism, capable of putting inhibiting thoughts aside for the sake of what is good.

Conscience

Chivalry is the brightest expression of personal and collective conscience. Individual discernment lies at the heart of it all. The awakening of our moral center, rooted in instinct and enhanced by our finest dreams.

Corruption

Personal corruption comes from chivalry's failing. When poorly thought out values contend with one another instead of serving both self and the greater good, our moral base becomes a house of cards, ready to collapse.
Society today actually views personal, corporate and even political corruption as a somewhat accepted, even anticipated, part of the system. This acceptance is one of the profound enemies that men of chivalry need to challenge and eradicate. The proverbial dragon once condemned as greed, is now referred to as expediency, cunning leadership, honest profit, And when people go too far and get in trouble, they look confused and innocent, as if they were only following a common code of behavior. And in some respects they are right. The acceptance of small acts of corruption facilitate larger acts of corruption. Merely the scale and number of victims differs.

Council of Knights

The Companionship recognizes certain individuals in their members for their unique commitment and contributions to Chivalry-Now. We call them Knights. These Knights have certain advisory status within the fellowship. They belong to what is called the Council of Knights. Within that grouping is a central core of Knights known as the Inner Council, that makes final decisions for the structure and public image of the Companionship.

Covetousness

Covetousness is a word with strong biblical connotations, but is rarely used otherwise. Nevertheless, its meaning is important. It points to an obsessive yearning for what someone else possesses.
     A lot of today's business marketing techniques promotes covetousness in order to sell products. They want us to envy what other people have. They don't view us as human beings. They view us as consumers, potential sources of revenue, and have little concern of how their coercive marketing techniques harm us. Consider how young girls starve themselves in order to look like the models they see in magazine ads, models whose images are often made ridiculously thinner by special effects. These commercials and the business people who pay for them have no concern about the health and well-being of their target audience. They just want money, and will do almost anything to get it.
     They target boys as well, and men and women, convincing us what latest triviality is to become our necessity. They feed our covetousness, and if we are not careful, we fall into their traps, looking everywhere for what we do not have, and loathing ourselves and other people for that very reason.
     A true man, like a true knight, does not covet. He is self-contained, values simplicity and is more concerned with personal character than the allure of material acquisition.

Cowardice

Fear is a natural response to threats. It is to be valued in keeping us cautious and alive.
But there is a point at which fear inhibits the confidence to live and face life boldly. This is where manhood steps in and openly declares that we have to master our fears, and that means facing them. Chivalry says the same thing, often symbolized in the romances by the knights battling dragons and giants or demonic forces.
Fear is a dragon we can face eye to eye. Cowardice is a dragon we need to look inward to confront. And the tools of chivalry help make that possible.

Cruelty

Chivalry completely renounces the tendency to be cruel. It calls for mercy even for one's enemies. It calls for service to others, for making the world a safer, better place to live. In other words, it calls for end to cruelty, and the inhumanity from which it arises.

Culture

We all live within a specific culture, and are subject to its influence. When that culture teaches us proper ideals, we benefit. When it teaches us vices, or conflicting ideals, it does us a disservice.
Most cultures provide guidance for gender differences. There are cultures where these influences do not promote equality, but serve as a burden for at least one of the sexes, usually women.
In the West, we have struggled with our own cultural discriminations, against race, creed and gender. We have not arrived at a neutral overall acceptance of people, and perhaps never will. We often condemn ourselves for this, disregarding our very positive tendency for trying to improve.
Chivalry-Now recognizes that in recent centuries, Western culture has neglected the cultural needs of men as well as women, and is trying to repair that. It aims to reconnect our present day culture with its chivalric roots, while incorporating Enlightenment Age ideals as well, such as equality, freedom and democracy.
Chivalry-Now brings a cultural approach to social problems, so that solutions can be applied to the source of those problems, rather than the symptoms. The idea is to change our culture so that the problems are not propagated anymore. We believe that the establishment of Chivalry-Now as a moral tributary will accomplish this.

Dating

The values of b usually serve well on the dating scene. Why? Because they provide an authenticity that easily outshines the usual pretenses that often accompany a first date. They provide a moral refinement that carries a strong message of confidence, honestly and reliability.      Courteous behavior smoothes the initial tension, and brings a welcoming focus that makes a woman feel special, as she should.
Dating serves as an opportunity for developing a possible friendship, and that is where it should start. Getting to know another person. Evaluating compatibilities. Seeing how each other acts in social situations. Determining comfort levels.
     To begin a first date with the expectation of "love-at-first-sight," or the pressures of instant seduction, or hiding who you really are is definitely a mistake. Establishing a friendship first is always the better path. It allows for honorable self-respect, no matter what happens.
Instead of dominating the conversation with the intent of proving how wonderful you are, take time to listen instead. Communication is important to women. They want to know they are being heard and that their perspectives count.
     If you sense that this person is not right for you, that is no excuse to act as less of a gentleman. Make the date as pleasant as you can without being misleading.

Death / Mortality

Chivalry-Now looks at human mortality as the inspiration for experiencing the full intensity of life.
     As with anything good that is limited in duration, our lives are that more precious because they are finite. We are called to fill each moment with the authenticity of direct experience.
     Chivalry-Now takes the view of existentialism, that we not only define ourselves in everything we do, we define humanity as well. Our lives are that important.
     We can choose to live a meaningless existence filled with mindless routine, following the crowd, brain-washed by whatever guru catches our attention. We can hide from challenges, turn our backs on the sufferings of others, believe the values that our friends or family espouse. We can go through our entire lives without making a difference to anyone, without appreciating beauty, without making a sound that anyone cares to hear. And that great nothing would be the legacy of our lives.
     Or, we can measure our days by the intensity of life that moves us. We can respond to the inner pulse that drives us to live more fully, more compassionately. In other words, we can make something positive of our lives, so that our inevitable end marks a life of value to the universe.

Decency

So much of the ethics of Chivalry-Now is based on common decency brought to its logical conclusions.
There is an intuitive morality that most people recognize running just be low the surface of our normal interactions. It involves more than just following the rules, deciding what we can get a way with, and what we cannot. We call it the Golden Rule, treating people right, common sense.

Defeat

We all want to win at what we do, but the truest measure of a man is how well he accepts defeat. A man of character will accept it with composure and good sportsmanship. An immature man will pout and curse, throw things and make excuses. Chivalry embraces the former, and rejects the latter.

Democracy

Chivalry-Now focuses on human potential and idealism. So does democracy. But democracy only works when intelligent, liberated minds make it work. While it is true that democracies often correct the mistakes they make, it is hoped that actively informed, well-meaning people make less mistakes, and produce finer leaders.
It is therefore the duty of the Companionship to be good, informed citizens who make their votes count and voices heard.

Desire

There are many fine philosophies that condemn desire as the root of all suffering. While their premise has some merit, Chivalry-Now questions the cost. Should personal suffering be so avoided that even the desire for what is good be silenced? Should joy be strangled in our throats so that future pain if strangled as well? Is that even possible? Is a life of bland intensity preferable to passion? Is there really no room for romantic love?
     Here we differ from Eastern philosophies more than anywhere else.
That's not to say that we encourage desires that one might consider bad. What we are saying is that not all desire is a bad thing. There is a tension in human life between extremes, between good and evil, right and wrong. Engaging in that tension is what makes us most human.      Choosing the better path is our challenge.
     We openly declare that it is right to desire justice and truth and the well-being of all creatures. Self-development is a good thing when directed properly.
     To the Western soul, evolution is not a stasis. It is movement forward. It incorporates changes, progress and sometimes failure. We recognize that human evolution is part of nature's evolution, with a unique additive, the conscious mind. We experiment. We arrive at new perspectives, new ranges and depths of experience. Reducing one's passions to a state of indifference is contrary to what moves us.
That being said, surrendering unabashedly to desire enslaves the mind to selfishness.
     Chivalry-Now professes neither of these extremes. What it does profess is the authenticity of the living mind, living intelligently in the world, while accepting the responsibilities of high ideals.
Desire, like everything human, can be good or bad. Have the self-discipline to choose the good.

Discipline / Self-discipline

It stands to reason that a man is truly free only when he has control over who he is and what he does. To acquire this control takes the self-discipline to question surrounding beliefs and values, and one's intellectual capacity to discern truth. It takes developing one's skills and talent and learning, and following one's own moral beliefs.
     A man who does not exhibit self-control is not a man in the social/moral/ethical sense. He is too subject to his own emotions, unrefined, less civilized.
     When you think of it, self-discipline, and the responsibility that comes with it, is what separates a man from a boy.
From a chivalric point of view, self-discipline is needed in order to be courteous, truthful, humble, honorable, generous, and forgiving.      Because it is the mainstay of manly strength and character, it provides the man who is willing to fight for what is right, and not back down. It makes true freedom possible.
     Finally, it faces the vicissitudes of life and find in them not a curse but a challenge, the very essence of the Quest that shapes us as men.

Dreams

We all have dreams. The Knight who advocates for Chivalry-Now has dreams that are special, grand, visionary and yet as simple as a child's imaginings. He dreams of a world alight with decency and compassion, of strong healthy people living their lives to fullest, without generating harm to others. He dreams the dream of brotherhood, and rectifying wrongs.
Chivalry-Now encourages such dreams, and invites all men to share in them.

Duty

Responsibility is the essence of freedom, which makes the response to personal duty of prime importance.
There are many duties we are responsible for. They come from caring for children or needy parents. They come from spouses to whom we have sworn our fidelity. They come from friends, employers, citizenship, patriotism, loyalty to a cause, compassion for others, religious obligations, social ethics. The list is never-ending.
But before them all, we face duty to conscience. Other loyalties may lead us astray. We sometimes have to reject them to adhere to our own integrity. The man who puts duty before conscience is a danger to everyone.

Education

The secret to good education begins with respecting students and what they represent for the future. Educators are not just disseminators of facts, they are shapers of minds and character. They either the support the viability of the culture, or provide broken crutches so that people can hobble along through their daily lives without validation.
Education is not just limited to school. It means learning every day, so that the individual continues growing and living a fulfilled and fulfilling life.

Enemies

A major lesson we can take from Arthurian romances is that our enemies may someday be our friends if treated honorable and with mercy.
Some men assume that everyone they meet is an enemy until proven different. This creates psychological walls that not only keep people at arm's length, but portray to the person himself as anti-social. This contributes to a suspicious, unfriendly milieu that impacts society as a whole.
Far better to the chivalrous life is to consider each man your brother, every woman your sister, until they prove themselves unworthy. It is hoped that at least some people will live up to your expectations, and this adds positively to the world we live in.

Envy

Advertisers do everything they can to make of envious of what we don't have or even need. They do this to sell us what we don't need, turning trinkets into necessities. Materialistic competition thrives on propagating envy, but is it a healthy way to live? Envy eats at the heart, destroys friendships and leads to foolish decisions.
In many ways, envy is like a cancer. It grows inside you, killing what is open and capable of joy.

Equality

To believe in equality is to set aside everything that seems to contradict it, everything we see and hear or have been told.
     To believe in equality we have to set aside our natural biases as best we can, as well as our sense of personal perfection. We need to understand completely that in a spiritual and moral sense, equality is fair and true, and the only acceptable conclusion. We are not perfect enough to judge otherwise.
     What makes all men and women equal, no matter what race or dreed, is simple. We all fall short of what we can be, no matter how great our accomplishments. We live in the flesh, and someday we die. We are all equal in the final outcome, none superior to the other.
     Within that equality of being human, we all differ to incredible degrees as individuals across the whole gamut of possibilities.
     What we need to focus on is our own personal growth and relationship to truth, not that of our neighbor.

Error / Mistakes / Failure

It is important to learn from one's mistakes, and not be crippled by them.
We should not be so fearful of error that we fail to act, or limit our lives only to what extols no risk. There is more shame in not trying than in falling short.

Excellence

Excellence has become a catch-word as of late, something touted to an employer to mean: "Hire me. I can make you lots of money."
For a while, young people said "excellent" whenever the approved of something.
But the word means more than these usages suggest. It means high quality, a superior act or product, and can be applied to just about anything.
To the Knight, excellence first applies to the quality of one's life when one is true and performs exceptionally well in everything one commits oneself to. Excellent work, excellent relationships, exceptional devotion to an excellent cause.

Excess / Moderation / Asceticism

A man's lifestyle contributes to the definition of who he is. The man of excess is seen positively in today's world of unnatural consumerism and conspicuous consumption. And yet we all know that greed is one of the more pernicious evils in life.
In medieval times, a backlash to excess came in the form of religious asceticism. People joined various religious orders, often giving up all their possessions to find spiritual authenticity.
A more reasonable approach to a life of principle today is moderation. There is nothing wrong with having a nice house, dressing properly, eating well, and not abusing your body. In fact, you often become a better, more valuable citizen by doing so. There is a vast difference between appreciating and living in the material world and materialism. In Buddhism, it is called the Middle Way.

Falsehood / Lying

One of the first mandates of any male ethic is honesty. The man who lies simply is not a man. His words inject poison into the world of trust and ideas that human beings need to function in.

Fanaticism

Fanaticism occurs when certain thoughts or beliefs become so obsessive that people fail to see beyond them. It shuts down one's power of discernment. It paints the world according to a vision that excludes other ways of looking at things. It seeks to control other people.
Chivalry-Now takes great care in presenting our ideas as stimulants for thought, rather than something written in stone. We want people to think for themselves, find their own codes, question things, explore for truth, take care in declaring this is right and that is wrong. This is not to say there is no right and wrong. It means that often we cling to values that are incorrect, and should be open enough to recognize that.

Fatherhood

Chivalry becomes a true cultural phenomenon when the culture itself perpetuates it. That means the transmission of chivalric values to others, through families and communities.
     A young child looks up to his or her father as an example of what it means to be a man. Some say that all other men in that young person's life will be measured according to their father's image. True or not, it remains something to consider.
     With a little thought, you can find creative ways of teaching chivalry to a child. And this needs to be taught to girls as well as boys. Girls grow up to be women, and the values they learn help them choose their future mates and raise their own children when the time comes.
     So everything a father says or does in important. Even when children appear to be not paying attention, they are soaking up every lesson they can get like sponge. Some lessons might not be good, and we might miss how they learned them. It is therefore important to remember that proper parenting is not a 9 to 5 job, or the occasional sit and chat. You are teaching your children what it means to be a man every minute of the day, even when they are not with you. The quality of your life always shines through.

Fear

Fear has been used throughout history as a means for manipulating people. It is one of the dragons we must fight in out personal lives, but also in our public lives. Fear causes people to close their minds, to hide, to let others make decisions for them.

Feelings / Emotions

For quite a while now, men have been told not to show their feelings, that it is a sigh of weakness.
     This begs the question: is showing one's feelings a sign of weakness? Or having them to begin with?
     We all have feelings. We all have weaknesses. We may not show them. We may repress them, and suffer psychologically by doing so.
Does a man of true strength have to hide the most living parts of who he is? Is this, in itself, strength of weakness? Denying one's emotion self is an illusion. It is false, and therefore an enemy of truth. To do so to impress others or avoid ridicule amounts to cowardice.
     Isn't it better to admit one's true emotions, express them appropriately and control them when the situation calls for it? This reflects a healthier approach to self-control than simple denial of what is real. A man is incomplete if his emotions are forever imprisoned in some macho façade.

Forgiveness

It is impossible to go through life without hurting people. In that respect, we are all in need of forgiveness, and that need connects us all as brothers.
     Sometimes we find it difficult, if not impossible, to forgive others. We even project a personal image of self-righteousness in order to hate others guilt-free. Some thing it is manly to hold on to rage, that loathing and even revenge is a matter of honor. In such a way do we become less than complete men, and suffer inside because of it.
     The 11th Trust says: I will forgive when asked, that my own mistakes will be forgiven.
     The essence of this principle is that our own weakness, our own guilt, which cannot be avoided, are tied to our ability to forgive others. If we contribute to a world that is unforgiving, we will be judged by that same world, and condemned for exactly who we are.
     There may be times when forgiveness is unsupportable, but these are such rare exceptions that dwelling on them causes more harm then good in developing who we are.

Freedom

Channing said that "The only freedom worth possessing is that which gives enlargement to a people's energy, intellect and virtues. The savage makes his boast of freedom. But what is it worth?"
Goethe echoes something similar: "None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free."

Friendship

Chivalry should never be overbearing in its social applications. There are times to draw the line, and hopefully you will know when they are.
Can you let your guard down among friends while remaining true to your core principles? Can you be relaxed and playful and humorous, while being genuine and compassionate at the same time?
Why not? Chivalry is no excuse for self-righteous scowls and better-than-thou attitudes. This is where humility shows its true worth.
There are many aspects to a man's authenticity. If not, than something of the fullness of the man is missing.

Gender Relationships

Chivalry-Now encourages healthy, respectful relationships between the genders.
     Womanhood should always be recognized for its vital role to the overall propagation of our species. That includes giving birth, the tremendous sacrifices of motherhood, and the contributes of women to marriage.
     But it also includes a whole lot more. It includes the uniqueness of women as individual human beings, in friendships, in the workforce, and in everything they do. No two women are a like, just as no two men are alike. To view women as the weaker sex shows an ignorance of their personal achievements in every aspect of life, from politics, to science, to literature and the arts, to the Olympics.
     The chivalrous man shows proper respect to womanhood as a moral foundation, while viewing women themselves as individuals, of various merit. There are women who are not good people, just as there are men as well. It would be wrong to disregard that. As partners with women, we should encourage them on their own personal quests, while listening and learning from their unique perspectives.
     Very often we can learn who we are in the eyes of the women who see us, and that can be an important source of measuring our own worth.
     The differences between the genders can provide a powerful and even demanding testing ground for our own commitment to chivalry. It is in our relationships with women that we really come to know who we are.

Generosity

Reflects a state of mind that recognizes the macrocosm of life that we are part of and to which we are called to contribute.
     The 10th Trust calls us to be generous to the poor and those who need help.
     In medieval times, aristocratic generosity was called largesse. Those who had gave to those who had not. This was a sign of nobility, and remains such today.
     A lack of generosity defines one as closed and uncaring, the opposite of the hero motif that chivalry is based on.

Gluttony

Gluttony is considered more of a vice than a sin. Nevertheless, the percentage of overweight people in the United States is a national embarrassment. Not only does gluttony harm a person's self-esteem, it is a health hazard as well. Part of the reason for this problem is the incredible availability of food that we enjoy, and jobs that tax the brain more than the body. Parents often teach their children that certain treats constitute a reward for good behavior. Eating is considered a social ritual as well. Many of our favorite foods provide a lot of calories and very little nutritional value. At the root of gluttony, however, is the need for immediate gratification, and this can be viewed as a personality fault.

Goodness

Good is often considered a relative term. What is good for one person might not be good for another.
     But is there a higher good that we can reason out of our existence? Something beyond our preferences or personal welfare?
     We are part of an incredible universe, our corner of which is abundant with life. Surely a higher goodness must include it all, our fellow citizens of the world, the animals we share this planet with, and the environment on which we all survive.
     Chivalry recognizes this higher good, and this distinguishes the true Companion from others. He has vision of something grand and inclusive that supports all life, and prompts him to safeguard it.

Gossip / Slander

The 9th Trust tells us to: abhor scandals and gossip - neither partake nor delight in them.
While this might not seem a priority to the man of action, delighting in gossip and scandal defines a man as uncaring and self-righteous. It must be avoided by those aspiring to become a Knight-Errant.
Gossip and scandal have dominated our entertainment and news media, and we become smaller people because of it.

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